Agony is a Place That Follows

you'd think one
gets used to
walking away,
that the skin
hardens and the
heart buckles down,
shutters its
windows and locks
the front door

you'd be wrong
agony is a place
that follows you
insidiously
a shadow that presses
down like a lid

I love you
I love you
I love you
but I am so sore
the heartbeat in my
chest off kilter
without you
I love you
and it fucking hurts

I speak to
no one of this agony

your name will not
pass from my lips in any
way except lovingly
I have promised this
to myself
in the darkness of my
room, the moon
bore witness to my promise,
pillow wet, eyes swollen
white-knuckled and
screaming silently-

You will not morph into a monster
in my eyes
You are who you are
imperfect, human
I am who I am
imperfect, human
flawed
well-intentioned
and hurting

spinning impotently
a genie trapped in
this tarnished lamp
called sorrow